10 Reasons I'm Sick of Tinder

After 500 matches, I believe the spark has finally gone out in my love affair with Tinder. I'm really, really sick of it. And slightly repulsed.

1. Every time I slip up and mention a guy's name in front of my parents, I have to quickly make up a different backstory for them.

Yeah, we met, um, two years ago, through a girl I met at camp. In New York. Once. Yeah, absolutely nothing sketchy going on here. Please don't look at my phone.

2. I don't have the stomach for these pickup lines anymore. 


3. Do you have any idea how hard it is to try and keep up ten different conversations at once?

Are you Josh with the motorcycle? Or Josh with the dog? Or the Josh that goes to UConn? I don't want to scroll back up to the beginning of this trainwreck of a conversation, so help me out here. 

4. The lack of punctuation is actually driving me crazy.

"your hot". MY HOT WHAT.

5. Everyone has the same name as my ex.

Or some variation of "Connor/Conor/Conner". How is that even possible? Did all of your parents plan this? Was there a baby naming party I missed?

6. Everyone is cheating on everyone.

7. I still don't know how to tell my friend her brother has a tinder. 

I can't even look at him. Shirtless mirror selfies really ruin the way you see someone.

8. Relatives keep asking why I'm single. 

So nice of you to ask, as a matter of fact, no, I haven't met any nice boys lately. 

9. I don't want to look through your stupid "tinder moments".

 It's like snapchat, but worse, and with surprise dicks. SURPRISE. 

10. I'm starting to feel a little desperate.

Seriously, I keep getting blocked. But I'm pretty, right? I'm funny! ANSWER ME.

I'm done. So done. 

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