Schlongs of Skyrim

I'll be honest, I haven't blogged much over break because I've spent a lot of time playing Skyrim. I got to borrow a PC and  experience the wonder of PC mods for the first time. Some are pretty basic; enhancing landscapes or armor, more detailed maps, that sort of thing. Some, however, are extremely sexual.

Jesus Christ. 
Unsurprisingly, there are dozens of options for nudity. If fighting dragons isn't exciting enough for you, you can choose to control a disproportionate female do it in the nude.

Skyrim doesn't follow your "laws of physics" 
Need more sexy? The Victoria's High Heel Walk makes your character toddle around like she's in high heels and her breasts are elastic, which seems pretty useless in first person. Personally, I find it frustrating that my character can't sprint effectively and I'd like to give her running shoes, but hey, to each their own.

I can't think of many instances where this would be useful.
Still not enough? Do you need sweaty glistening wet skin to get off? Why are you even playing skyrim? Actually, maybe you're only aroused by glistening nudity in a Norwegian-esque landscape, frolicking with dragons, in which case, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make assumptions.

Now, before you jump to the conclusion that this is a world of misogynists and only females are being objectified, know that it's actually pretty equal. The wet-skin applies to both boobies and biceps (excuse me while I drool over sweaty bulging muscles), and there's a decent number of sexy male armor retextures as well.

Work it. 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Sorry, I laugh every time I see this. I can't stop laughing. Still. Sorry. Hang on. Alright, I'm good.

As happy as I am with equal opportunity eye candy, I'm disappointed by the lack of strong females in the base game. The default bodies have little diversity; all girls are super slim and have no muscle tone. There's a weight slider in character creation, but it takes men from "muscles" to "HOLYFUCKMUSCLES", while women just go from "boobies" to "big boobies". They fall victim to a "pretty first, function second" mentally that's disappointingly common in video games.

Admittedly, this is a mod, not the base game, but it's not entirely inaccurate.
Skyrim is a fantasy world. And that means fancified bodies. And sometimes, that can be a fun fantasy to live. But just remember that's not how real people look (Thank god. I still can't get over how ridiculous/terrifying that giant schlong is). And if you feel the need, like I did, and you want a realistically strong female, there's a ton of mods for that too. 


Now if this could just be available in the base game with the male muscles, I'd be happy. But hey, we're getting there. 

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